Mid-summer chaos is real. Your house is a mess, your kids are bouncing between activities or begging for more screen time, and the packed schedule you hoped would help is only adding stress.
So, how do you create a summer that’s structured but not overwhelming? And if you notice that your children seem to be more stressed, how can you check in with them and adjust their schedule to be less stressful?
Start with Two Simple Guidelines
- Focus on three themes: connections, fun, and rest.
Summer is a time for children to connect with friends and family, and a great time to engage with others doing fun activities. It’s also intended for rest and to allow kids to take a break from the stress of school. - Tailor the schedule to each child’s unique needs.
You know your child best. If your child is more introverted, constantly having play dates and going from activity to activity can be draining for them. A more extroverted child may want to have friends over all the time. Both are okay, but will require different approaches to find balance.
Connections
Ideally, summer is when children of all ages are less stressed and anxious. An important factor of this is connection – spending more time with friends and family. Using the summer as a chance for more play dates (or “hanging out” for older children), family get togethers, and even more time with their pets are important parts of using the summer to recharge and find balance in activities.
- For friends: Find scheduled activities children can do with their friends and include ways to make new connections and build their social skills. Camps, sports teams, and other summer activities are a great way to do this.
- For family: When it comes to family connections, parents and caregivers can improve on an important skill – combining “connection” and “engagement.”
For example, take one of your child’s activities, like T-ball or a soccer game, and actively watch what they are doing. Minimize your distractions and enjoy the time supporting and watching them. Think of questions to ask – about strategy, their position, how they feel they’ve grown over the course of their practice, about their friends on the team. Observe the reaction you get when you reflect your interest.
Be intentional about the time you have together with family, in the car, making dinner – talk about something they’re interested in or share something that’s important to you. This is a powerful way to build the security and self-esteem of your children, knowing that you see them, you care about their ideas and interests, even if your teens don’t show it.
Fun
Let your children shape their summer within appropriate boundaries. Involve them in picking summer plans like family trips and activities. This is a great opportunity to connect with your children and help them feel seen and heard.
Begin with an open-ended conversation: “What are you most looking forward to doing this summer?” or “If you could learn anything this summer, what would it be?” Give some boundaries (local activities versus big trips) and expect some negotiation. Listen to what they want to do, make note of it, suggest some alternatives, determine if “more research” is needed, but give them a sense of power in understanding why they need to have some structured things on the calendar.
Balance screen time with other activities. If they want to play video games for hours a day – listen to them, acknowledge that’s important, but also remind them of fun things they enjoy doing beyond the screen so they are getting some physical and social activities in their day as well.
Remember that each child is different. If your child suffers with anxiety, their definition of fun may be very different than another child that thrives on trying new things.
Rest
Kids need summer to recharge, even if they do that amidst busy days. Here again, talk to your child about what downtime and rest looks like to them. If sleeping late in the morning is frustrating to you, but that’s how they choose to recharge, have a conversation about it and find a way to honor how they feel.
Ask about how they feel when they spend time outside, how they feel when they spend time with friends. Understand the value of healthy friendships and that down time may be more effective if spent with these close friends.
Remember that you know your child well – if they are more introverted, respect that they may not need to be with five people to recharge, they may need just one good friend to talk to. If you have several children, they may all have very different answers and that’s okay, it will be helpful for other family members to understand and respect this.
Remember, as the summer goes on, there is no “correct” approach, and each child and family is different. Most importantly, be intentional about finding small, unplanned moments of fun, laughter, connection, and rest – and enjoy the warm, long days.
This blog article was contributed by Elizabeth Williams, Director of Clinical Services - Residential at Nexus Family Healing.
Nexus Family Healing is a national nonprofit mental health organization that restores hope for thousands of children, families, and adults each year through community mental health therapy, crisis and stabilization, foster care and adoption, and residential treatment. For over 50 years, we’ve used innovative, personalized approaches to heal trauma, break cycles of harm, and reshape futures. We believe every child is worth it — and every family matters. Access more resources at nexusfamilyhealing.org/resources.