My girlfriend and I just moved in together after dating for about 2 years. She has a 13-year-old son and a 10-year-old daughter who live with us full time. They are great kids and we get along really well, but my girlfriend is pressuring the kids to call me dad and I don’t think that’s a good idea. She also expects me to discipline them when she gets upset and I don’t think that’s my role. Am I wrong about this?

It can be easy to write off foster kids as “bad kids,” but I hope anyone reading this will understand the loss and trauma these kids suffer daily and how truly resilient they are to even be functioning in a society that sometimes disregards them. Being a foster parent is so much more than giving them a safe place to sleep, food to eat, and clean clothes to wear. In fact, most of these kids couldn’t care less about those things. It’s about helping them grow each day, dealing with every hard moment they go through that other kids don’t have to, validating their feelings while teaching them how to move on from them, and making it a priority to show them how worth it they are.

I feel upset all of time. It has been like this for several years. Nothing seems to go right, and nothing makes me feel better. I don't know what to do.

We know more about childhood trauma and its effect on the developing child than we ever have before. The resiliency of the developing brain provides an opportunity for us to intervene and provide healthy, safe, and nurturing experiences that grow the brain and help heal.

Nancy McKenzie, Executive Director for Nexus-PATH Family Healing will be retiring at the end of 2020. She leaves behind a legacy of positively impacting North Dakota youth in foster care and families and children suffering from mental health issues.

McKenzie joined Nexus-PATH in 2014 as the North Dakota Director for foster care and family support services. She became the Executive Director over all Nexus-PATH services in 2018. Nancy has spent her career working for healthcare and mental health organizations, dedicating her 44-year career to helping individuals find new paths to success.

I was wondering if you could help me to better understand how early childhood trauma would affect a person’s behavior. Have you seen any correlations of certain forms of trauma and anger in early adolescence?

Brittany, a young Black woman suffering from extensive sexual trauma and abuse, was receiving intensive therapeutic intervention services at Nexus-Woodbourne.

One out of four children will experience a traumatic event before age sixteen. There are key differences between run-of-the-mill stressful times and a traumatic experience. First, it poses a real or perceived threat to the life or well-being of the child or someone close to them (such as a parent or best friend).  Second, it causes an overwhelming sense of terror, horror, and helplessness. And finally, the body generally reacts to this threat automatically with increased heart rate, shaking, dizziness, and rapid breathing due to the release of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol.

My 8-year-old son struggles with impulsivity and has little to no friends that initiate contact with him. He can participate and engage with them but there doesn’t seem to be any bond. How can I help him with his impulse control and fostering friendships?

Every year, thousands of individuals die by suicide and these numbers continue to increase. We can all help to reverse this trend. Here are three simple ways to be a positive force.