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Dr. Michelle Advice
 
Dr. Michelle K. Murray, CEO of Nexus Family Healing and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, answers questions about family relations or mental health. 

 

Boy with aggressive behavior

How Do We Help Our Son With His Aggressive Behavior?

My four-year old is developmentally delayed and has had some aggressive behaviors in the past. We've been told by professionals that he might be on the spectrum, but his current behavior is an abrupt departure from the past because it's very frequent and the sessions are longer too. Although we already did so, we plan on getting him tested again for bipolar personality disorder, and autism. We are in a crisis. What can we do?
Mother talking to her daughter

My Adult Daughter Came Out to Me as a Lesbian. What Do I Do?

My daughter is 22. She has graduated, got a job offer, and moved out of the house. Last week she called me and told me she is lesbian. She told me it is ok if I don’t accept her, and she will go away from the family. I really don’t know how to handle it. Please help me to accept this. Is it my fault?
Woman lying in bed.

I Want to Make New Year’s Resolutions, but I Lack Motivation. What Should I Do?

It’s that time of year when all I hear about is self-improvement and New Year’s resolutions. I’d love to get on board, but for me, getting out of bed is a challenge this time of year. I feel like I set self-improvement goals, fail to meet them, and then I feel terrible about myself. Any advice?
Messy Hair

My 19-Year-Old Daughter Struggles With Hygiene. Is It My Fault?

I am concerned about my 19-year-old daughter, who lives with me, because she does not take proper care of her hygiene. I don't know if she is just being lazy or if there is some other underlying issue. I don't know if I'm partly to blame because it's something I've always done for her and just expected her to start doing it on her own as she got older. I'm at a loss and could use some much-needed advice.
A stressed woman laying her head on her desk.

How Do I Stop Comparing Myself to Others?

I don’t know how to describe this, but I have a constant sense of trying to keep up. I worry that what I’m doing isn’t good enough. I compare myself and my life to others and what other people have. I just feel so behind on life. Do you have any ideas on how to combat this? It’s so draining. I just want to be happy.
A woman sitting by herself on the holidays.

Should I Visit My Family for the Holidays Even if I Don't Want To?

I have a pit in my stomach over the holidays coming up. My mom's entire side of the family gets together and it's that typical dysfunctional family gathering with too much drinking and snarky comments. I hate it. I've been able to avoid going the last two years (due to COVID) but this year my mom is laying the guilt on thick for me to come. I don't want to go but I don't want to disappoint her. What should I do?
A terrified mother crying.

My Son's Behavior Scares Me... How Do I Safely Confront Him?

I'm concerned for my family's safety because my 30-year-old son screams, hollers, makes noises and scares all of us, while refusing to talk to anybody. I don't know what to do about it and I am afraid to confront him because I am scared about what he might do. I'm thinking of sleeping with a baseball bat for protection. What should I do?
Dad ignoring his child while working.

How Do I Encourage My Husband To Spend Less Time Working?

My husband lost his job at the start of the pandemic. Which was scary but he has since found a new one. My problem is he now works all the time putting in long hours – more than I think he needs to. I don’t mind caring for the kids and managing the house but I barely see him and he’s missing our kids' activities. I think he’s afraid to lose his job again. How can I get him to stop working so much?
Picture of a mom supporting their stressed daughter.

Where Do I Get Help for My Daughter’s Mental Health?

Can you recommend a particular type of hospital that can help my daughter? She has a long history of experiencing emotional trauma including having two stillborn children. She seemed to shift from PTSD to Schizophrenia, but she refuses help. I cannot deal with this any longer; I am feeling tired and drained and I need to get her the help she needs to get over her trauma.
A man sitting and reflecting.

How Do I Ask My Family About My Uncle's Passing?

When I was young, my uncle died. I was too young to understand but I’m pretty sure he died by suicide. Which I’d like to know more about but I don’t know how to ask because my family doesn’t talk about it at all. How can I broach the subject? And do these tendencies run in families?