Joe and Anne always dreamed of having a big family. For Anne, the middle of 11 children, life in a bustling household was familiar—full of both excitement and challenges. Joe and Anne adopted five children as a start to their big family together.
“Our first 5 children are adopted—that's how our family was created,” Anne shared. “We were still feeling like we were open to parenting, and we had room in our lives, so we started to explore the process of foster care.”
A friend introduced Joe and Anne to Nexus Family Healing’s foster care and adoption services where they received comprehensive training and guidance that prepared them for the realities of fostering. Working with an agency helped them gain a clear understanding of the realities of fostering and build a strong foundation for success.
Support when it matters most
“Working with an agency provided the additional support we needed,” said Joe, “even though there were times when fostering felt challenging, having that support was important for making this work…. Their support enabled us to take multiple children into our home, many with complex needs.”
“People go in [to foster care] with good intentions and have so much love to give,” Anne added, “but there’s a lot more to it. Do you have a support system in place? Do you have the tools? Are you really prepared for the challenges? Are these kids coming with a lot of needs? What can you do to help them navigate their challenges, and what can you do as a family and a couple to make them successful?”
“You have to go into it with the understanding that love is not enough,” said Joe, “don’t go in there saying I’ll just love them, of course you will, but really spend the time to prepare yourself mentally, emotionally, physically….some of these children have experienced things we can’t even fathom, and it’s our job to be there to support them…but get your own support system.”
The Nexus team supported not only the youths in their care, but also Joe and Anne so they could focus on being the best foster parents possible. The team educated Joe and Anne on specific youth behaviors as well as helped them navigate relationships with biological families.
“The biggest thing for me was the consistency,” said Anne, “Nexus Family Healing was consistent…we could actually develop a relationship with the social workers and other staff….and since they supported us, we were better able to support the children in our home.”
Over the years, Joe and Anne fostered several children, but everything changed when two sisters, Maria and Cassandra, entered their lives. Both girls had complex care needs, and Joe and Anne partnered closely with professionals to help them adjust and thrive. “When I’d run out of tools in my toolbox, I had professionals I could turn to for help,” Anne shared, “we tried out different methods to see what worked best for them.”
“The clinical models that Nexus Family Healing has developed to help families is so important,” said Joe, “there are so many stressors for families and youth today…when we were kids we’d go outside all day in the neighborhood, today that neighborhood is social media.”
Maintaining relationships with biological families
Joe and Anne also helped Maria and Cassandra maintain relationships with their biological family. In fact, all of the couple’s children have varying relationships with their biological families, with Joe and Anne supporting and empowering them to define those relationships for themselves. “We were always honest with all of our children,” Joe explained. “We told them their parents loved them but couldn’t parent at that time.”
With time, Maria and Cassandra eventually found stability and love in Joe and Anne’s home and the couple formally adopted them. Their youngest son—just five months older than Cassandra—became her “twin,” while their older children became mentors. “Our older children were really good mentors for Maria and Cassandra,” said Joe, “they set really good examples for the girls.”
When helping their children navigate their histories, Joe and Anne have always led with empowerment — encouraging their children to embrace their adoption stories. “Being adopted is part of who they are, it’s part of their story,” said Anne, “we support and understand that they need and want to know everything about themselves and their biological families.”
Throughout their adoption and fostering journey, Joe and Anne prioritized both their marriage and their family health. They leaned on respite care, took time for themselves, and maintained a strong circle of family, friends, and their church community for support.
The training Nexus Family Healing provided gave Joe and Anne the opportunity to connect with other foster families and exchange experiences and advice. “We’d ask the others if they’ve had this issue or this thing come up, having that community was so helpful,” said Anne.
Today, Cassandra and Maria are thriving as adults living on their own, pursuing their passions. Cassadra earned a bachelor’s degree in environmental science, while Maria works at a high-end salon. “Maria’s mission is to help people feel good about themselves,” said Joe, “and Cassandra wants to save the whales…they are two extraordinary young women.”
“It’s all about the village,” said Anne, “we wouldn’t have been able to do this is it hadn’t been for Nexus’ support.”
In April 2024, Joe joined the Nexus Family Healing Board of Directors to further give back and support our mission.